My dad died when I was ten years old. He was just thirty-three. He was rarely around as he was a drunken womanizer. I tried to understand him by following in his footsteps. After many years of pain and misery I was blessed to find a twelve step program and have been clean and sober for twenty-five years. I've learned my father was a frightened boy trying to act like a man and it killed him. I've also been able to find myself and get validated by recovering men. I like to think of them as surrogate fathers who had the courage to share their strenghts AND weakness with me. My father would be very proud of the man I have become. Alcohol cheated us both out of knowing each other.