All I knew was that I didn't meet them. Ever. I don't think he was even aware that this was the dynamic, but it twisted me to my core for many years - you can never be good enough if you don't know how good you're supposed to be. I made a break and spent several years out of contact. When I finally got back in touch, I made it clear that there would be no expectations on anyone. Seems to be working. We talk, say "I love you" and I don't feel any guilt or shame or resentment when we hang up the phone. It's a nice feeling.