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Fear, too, demands to be felt.

by Layne on January 21, 2013   |  FacebooktwitterTumblr

John Green wrote, "That's the thing about pain; it demands to be felt." From this, I've thought why? Why can we suppress our happiness with depression, and lift ourselves from sadness with laughter, but not supress the pain. I think about this when I do track workouts. I attempt to supress that pain for it is a challenge that it demands to be felt; i refuse to let it.

I have lived the majority of my life with trypaniphobia, the fear of needles. I had a panic attack from a shot when I was little, and its been a fear of mine since. Everybody says that someday, I'll just get over it and it wont be so bad. I had to encounter a needle today, the details i'd rather not explain, and i thought, just like pain, I can get through this fear. I dont have to feel it. Sure enough, though, the panic set in as always, leaving me without what i had gone for. I felt defeated for not being able to overcome it, to not be stronger than those forces that hinder me.

Panic attacks are what id imagine animals feel like in a trap. no escape. in a setting that turns dangerous and foreign so quickly. all that runs through your thoughts is how to escape and survive. no reasoning.

Someday I will get over this fear. I have to in case of emergency medical help i'll ever need. I just dont know how or when. today was absolutely not that day, but just maybe, someday it really wont be so bad.


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