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Questioning perfectionist tendencies; scared I'm 'unstable.'

by Layne on March 18, 2013   |  FacebooktwitterTumblr

Today my mom was cleaning out some old stuff in my closet and decided to move around some clothes, as in what drawers things went in. She told me this and not to freak out about it. I thought 'why would I freak out? It's just rearranged' but when I opened my closet to see what she did, I couldn't take it. She had just moved some shelving and what went where but I quickly proceeded to move everything back to how it was originally. I don't know why it bothered me so much, but I couldn't take it.
Also today, my parents talked more about colleges and SATs and my future with me. I again snapped at them and said I had work to do and I didn't have time for talking about it. Again, I don't know why. I could just feel myself start to panic and I had to change the subject. I am never, ever rude to my parents like that...
Finally, I was trying to plan an essay outline for homework. I don't even have to write the essay, so it didnt have to be good. But just like every other essay I've had to plan, I freaked out for an hour and a half before deciding I have to go talk to my teacher about it tomorrow. It's just a homework assignment that I could fake fairly easily, but I couldn't even do that.
This was all in one day and something along these lines happens at least once a day. I'm starting to think that maybe there is something wrong with me that's not just going to go away on its own... I don't like getting upset over little things. I don't like worrying about everything all the time and not feeling the satisfaction after actually performing well. It's never good enough. I'm just scared that people might look at me differently. That I'm 'damaged' or 'unstable' or that Im weak and I have issues that I could just ignore if I wanted to. I wish I didn't always have to make things perfect, but I just can't help it...


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