I will be 53 March 28. It is 30 some years longer than I would ever thought I would live. I spent most of my life in a suicidal depression or extremely angry. I found drugs and alcohol and they kept me alive until I could really live. I got sober at 27,the result of another suicide attempt. Rather than be grateful for not doing it,I took it as the ultimate failure. Thankfully,I found AA and recovery. It took me a long time to work through my demons and be happy. I do not regret any of my life. There is a spiritual axiom that states we are the sum total of all our parts both good and bad. I like who I have become and it is because of the pain and anguish.The greater one has felt pain the greater one feels joy. I have never felt better or happier. I have a serenity I never dreamed was possible. It is not anything on the outside,it is all internal. True happiness is an inside job.