The person I want to be. She is somehow beyond my grasp.
It's not about wishing I were someone else, but rather, finding the strength and presence of mind (true presence) to practice more of what I preach, to act not react, to always be aware that the only thing that is *truly* all about me is my interpretation. To be in *this* moment and let this moment stand on its own, not as a confirmation of my *story* of the past or foreshadowing of my *story* of the future, as future becomes present, and then in the next moment the past, moment by moment.
Every day (sometimes every hour) I resolve to be more grounded, more centered, more concerned with what matters -- the matter at hand -- than the past (how we got here) or the solution (what we will do.) But old habits die hard, and I find that I am mostly a collection of habits, compensatory skills that keep me going, but not necessarily in the right direction.
Inevitably, inexorably, I am drawn back to where I started. A victim of the intellectual construct I almost unwittingly develop to support my illusion of control. Spending my precious time, judging, sorting, interpreting, reacting, anything everything, except simply being.