I used to worry about my follow-ups with various Specialists, especially Oncology. For my past several appointments, I was frantically helping James try to beat the unbeatable odds to live. So I had no feelings, wishes or concerns regarding my medical follow-ups. I am scheduled for a skin check and an Oncology appointment soon. Should cancer return, maybe my/our situation will all make sense. I was given a 50/50% chance of living past 10 years. I know the stress and tragedy of watching James die is tilting me more towards the death side. I hope that one day I will have a fight in me again and that this may pass or soften with the pain.