John: Hello WebMD.
WebMD: Hello John. How are you feeling? You look a little pale.
John: That's kind of my normal complexion.
WebMD: Oh, it is? Huh. Well, let me just add that to your list of symptoms.
John: What? That's not actually not a symptom. I'm not-
WebMD: I'm also detecting that you have unnaturally long nose hair. I'll have to include that into your profile as well.
John: It's not unnatural. Everyone has three inch strands of hair hanging out in their nasal cavity, right? Right?
WebMD: (to self) Subject also suffers from delusional tendencies. Please notify local mental health professionals.
John: Hey! I'm standing right here!
WebMD: Oh. You're standing? I thought you were sitting down. Being short can be a symptom of major health issue.
John: No it's not!
WebMD: Please don't raise your voice. How long would you say that you've been suffering from the inability to control your emotions?
John: You're freaking me out. I think I'm going to leave.
WebMD: Wait - don't you want to know what all of those symptoms mean?
John: Not really.
WebMD: John, it's important that you have a handle on any or all potential health problems.
John: Oh, okay then. What do all of those symptoms mean.
WebMD: According to my calculations I would say you are going to be dead by sunset.
John: Of course I am...
WebMD: Thanks for visiting me. Please refer a friend.