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Today I had my first counseling session. Not my first in my whole life, just the first with this new person. The first since I had my big, humongous breakthrough.
One thing I'm having trouble with is feeling like a failure at retirement. I can't seem to make friends, I can't find an activity I like, and I feel like someone (I don't know who) will "fire" me from retirement because I'm not doing it very well. I've stopped leaving my apartment so no one will see me not doing anything.
This nice counselor said we can work on that, but suggested that maybe I just feel like doing nothing. Or maybe I like reading. Or just walking to the beach every day. She said we can figure it out. Suddenly I felt so relieved.
You kind of have to be an over-achiever type to understand that I felt I had to "succeed" at retirement. When actually, in my heart of hearts, I like just watching the curtains blow. I like having nothing on my calendar squares. I like having tea in the afternoon at the nearby coffee/tea place and watching the people stare at their phones. I'm basically pretty content. I just *thought* I was miserable!
To reward myself I bought myself a new coffee brewing system because my old coffee maker just sputtered too much and hissed. It reminded me of an ex. So I got a really nice pour over system. Ahhh, one quiet cup at a time to drink while I do nothing much at all.