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Aren't we supposed to be happy?

by TheLost on January 29, 2009   |  FacebooktwitterTumblr

I've made another step towards adulthood.

I've been alive for a meager 22 years. As I was raised a Roman Catholic under the loving eyes of a hopeless optimist of a mother, I had an idea pounded into my head the moment it popped out of the 'valley' which we all emerge from.

"The Lord gave us the gift of life, and we must enjoy it."

And so I lived many years of my life with my blue eyes opened wide, an ever radiant smile plastered on my face. Until 2nd grade. The kid I was best friends with told me he was moving away, and that I would never hear from him again. Crying my eyes out, I watched as the boy I was almost brothers with vanish out of my life. But that's okay, I made a new best friend the next year. We latched onto each other for dear life, and we were inseparable. Then, the impossible...

My best friend whom I spent so much time with was moving away to the other side of the country. I was a Jersey boy having his best friend fly away to California. The internet bound us together, but it wasn't the same.

I became a wallflower. I would periodically open my pedals and rise to make myself known, but little would come of it. I would end up closing back up, only to recede back to my lovely little wall. I was always alone. Then I met a girl.

We shared a deep relationship that I wouldn't have given up for the world. However, I lost it anyway. After four years of companionship, I'm back to being alone. Always, alone.

I now question that simple idea my mother and all the priests pounded into my head. I'm not happy at all. Everyone I ever get close to ends up leaving my life, and I always end up right back where I was;

By myself, wondering what the hell I'm supposed to do next...crying my eyes out as I long for those I've lost to return to my side.

I'm convinced happiness is a wonderful little illusion that we all blindly chase after, only to lose sight of over and over again.


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