My story about Motherhood is not about myself as a Mother. Mine is about my life as it has changed since I lost my own mother. It was one year ago, as of September 6th. Since we lost her, I view my life as before and after. I am a different person now. Even as a 30 year old woman, losing my mother was the hardest thing I have had to do up to that point. She was 51 and it was unexpected. She was a very strong willed woman and I think she viewed herself as immortal. I knew I would lose her early because of various health problems but I honestly thought I still had a good 10 years or so with her. I have made it through various stages since her death and I feel that I am now in the stage of acceptance. We had a rocky relationship while I was growing up but had become great friends since I, myself, became a mother 12 years ago. She was my stability and strength, probably more so than she realized. I always knew if I needed to go "home", I could. Since then, I have had to find a place for myself. And that place has changed many times over the last year. I still feel her around me at times and for some reason, I mainly think of only positive thoughts about her. All of the memories are precious to me now, good or bad. I have learned from her now since her death, things that I did not even realize I knew. And for that I am thankful.