As a lad, I plotted and plotted on ways to ninja past my folks and our yippy dogs, creaky floors and doors, paper-drop-wake-up light sleeper of a mom, etc. for ages and tried everything. One day, I removed the screen to my window (which faced the front of the house, including the driveway), thinking that the sliding of the window and a quick nip out past the flowers and the dog-alarm wouldn't start blaring bloody murder. My mom drove up, came right up to me and said, \"Why'd you take your screen out? You're planning on sneaking out, aren't you?!\" Sherlock Moms fucks with my freedom again! All I wanted was to go meet some friends at the MinuteMart and get a pancreas-blasting megacola and some candies like a mile and a half down the road. So I sez...