I saw my dad for the first time properly today in several years and I thought things were going so great. Then, I asked if we could draw a line under the past and move on in a positive way forward and he said:

"Well, as far as I'm concerned, our relationship is over then."

I have never been so hysterical, nor shaken so uncontrollably through fear and shock. I still can't comprehend the thought that this man is my father, and he said that to me. He rejected me. It hurts so, so much. Like my heart was torn out by him.

He is my dad.
I know love.
That wasn't loving.
He doesn't love.
He doesn't love me.