For 10 years, infertility was an interloper in my marriage, eroding my self-esteem, bank balance and happiness. Being a stepmother unable to have my own baby nearly finished me off. I was very depressed, in fact unwell, for almost a decade, a decade interspersed with failed IVF treatments, a marriage that almost ended, and a life that was simply exhausting juggling trying to conceive, my stepmum responsibilities and my career. Plus, accosted by our child-centric society, I felt like I was the only one not getting pregnant. Scrabbling to keep all my marbles in place, I felt very alone.
Now that is behind me, and over the years, I’ve made many tweaks and changes in order to rebalance my life to give myself more time to do more of what makes me happy and what makes me, me! I have come to accept my circumstances, and celebrate the woman I have become who was once sucked under by grief, but who has managed, through the kindness, wisdom, love and support of many others, to rise up to become a more confident, improved version of myself. I refused to continue to be the victim of infertility. Now, I see myself as the victor.
I realised that there were many women, just like me, struggling with infertility and childlessness. The more I researched and spoke to others about it, the more I felt impassioned to write about it, poems, prose… a book. I felt increasingly compelled to support others who were struggling, giving them hope with a sprinkle of humour to lift them up to be in a happier healthier place again despite the sadness of childlessness. And so, I set out on my mission to write my book, Everyone One Else But Me. Getting the tone right by speaking and listening to others as they shared their own experiences of loss, loneliness, tears and frustration and also how they too managed to survive and thrive again was a privilege and so insightful. These conversations with remarkable women led to the creation of Everyone One Else But Me, a story of courage, determination and emotional support, (especially for women & couples confronting the demands of stepparenting alongside the rollercoaster of infertility, & involuntary childlessness.)
Whilst, at first glance, there’s little to laugh about in this whirl of heartache and loss, a sprinkle of dark humour can help us through even the most testing times. This is what the stories and poems inspire; comfort, reassurance, the release of a bottled-up tear, and laughter! We could all do with laughing a little more! I’m very proud of my book and how it is helping readers in their own journey through grief to become the best that they can be.
“It’s important to tell it as it was and now is. Now, I give myself permission to acknowledge and respect how I felt. That is the way it was. And now I am a new version of me. Like a phoenix from the flames. Stronger, wiser, a little haggard perhaps, and sometimes still sad, but no longer so sad, ashamed or anxious.” ~ Lorna Wayth