My wife pinches a penny so hard it makes Honest Abe squeal. She disputes every cable or utility bill that appears wonky no matter how long she waits on hold or how many times she’s bounced around.

Lubriderm’s pump never reach the bottom of the hand lotion container. So this, the kitchen sink funnel. That woman is bound and determined to retire soon.

*When we were kids, we would pinch our buddies and shout, “Whistle Dixie!” It’s next to impossible to whistle anything when one has you in a compromised position. A variation of whistle Dixie is “Say ‘calf rope’!” Not easy to do even when someone doesn’t have an ounce of your flesh!